Contact Us | Male – Female Tribal Wisdom - By Frank Farrelly |
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Whether we are aware of them or not, or acknowledge them or not, we all willy-nilly have out assumptive sets. These function to organise our experiences; they are lenses through which we view out relationships. Some of them are more general in nature, some are highly specific. Most of the following statements are derived from my clinical practice, others from clinical colleagues, conversations with friends (both male and female and unguarded moments). You have your own set of assumptions about the other half of the earth’s population, the opposite sex. Before you read these, it might be instructive to write down ten perceptions or beliefs or pieces of advice that you were taught about the opposite sex, teachings from your parents, and friends throughout your life. Write these in simple declarative sentences, preferably using words such as “always” or “never”. Female Tribal Wisdom 1. All men are animals. (If they are not animals, a real woman can bring the animal out of a wimp). 2. Men are little boys in long pants. 3. The only difference between men and boys is the cost of their toys. 4. Men are really stupid about women psychologically and sexually (e.g. men are easy to seduce, women can fake orgasms etc). 5. Men are the romantics, women are realists. (Example; one study showed by the third date, women begin to view men as possible husbands, judging their pros and cons, assets and liabilities). 6. Females are more skilled, adroit and clever in their communication and tend to communicate indirectly, implicitly, covertly. (Example; She: “Great big you take care – poor little me?” Now they have reciprocal roles which can hold for one-half a century!). 7. Men think with two heads; women with one. (Cf client: “I make men crawl through bramble bushes to get to me”. Women play hard to get. Mother of client “isn’t it funny how nature tricks men into marrying us?”) 8. Men are turned on by what they see. (Hence the multi billion dollar cosmetic, fashion and garment industries – including bras and girdles. Cf Reay Tannahill’s Sex in History, Stein and Day Publ., N.Y. 1980) 9. Men have only one thing on their minds. 10. The greatest source of pain for women is men. (Female colleague “Frank that’s not a female distorted perception. It’s a law of physics or something like that!”) The second greatest is their mothers. 11. If only men and boys did what their mothers, wives and lovers told them to do, they would keep more regular hours, have better nutrition, wouldn’t smoke or drink alcohol, would eat their salads, live longer and have better bowel movements. (Summary of female client’s disappointments about her husband, father and sons). 12. Playing hard to get with men is necessary for women. (F.F’s father: “I chased your mother until she caught me.” Mother to female psychiatrist friend of F.F. “Don’t be forward!”) 13. Women are highly competitive and unfair with other women about men. Female client). 14. Women are predatory – but the clever woman makes the man pursue and hunt her. Clever prey choose their own “hunter” and leave “tell-tale-signs” and “tracks” for the hunter to follow. 15. “Its unfair, we women get older, Frank while you men get distinguished looked”. (Woman client in tears to F.F.) 16. “The world is filled with aging women”. (Australian, beautiful 44 year old female client of F.F.) 17. All the good men are already married – the rest are like the left-overs from a bad garage sale. Momma’s boys, perennial bachelors, gays, drunks and drug fiends, other women’s rejects, and wimps. (Summary of professional woman client of F.F.) 18. All men are flawed. 19. Men as they age, become dirty old men. 20. Men only see women as sex objects. 21. A really smart woman never tells all she knows (female colleague). 22. Women can be strong – but never appear stronger than the man you are interested in (German female colleague of F.F.) 23. A man becomes interested in a woman who is interested in him. Female colleague of F.F.) 24. During sex a woman can occupy herself constructively by planning her next grocery list. 25. “A man doesn’t have to buy the cow if he’s already getting the milk free”. (Farm wife client of F.F. disapprovingly to her sexually active daughter). 26. It’s a man’s world (Ann Landers) 27. Men hold all the trump cards. 28. There are good girls and then there are bad girls. 29. Don’t look cute – look stunning! (Female colleague’s mother to her). 30. Whenever you go out even to the grocery store, dress up, because you never know whom you’ll meet. (Female colleague’s mother). 31. If you don’t like a man, and he asks you for a date, go out with him anyway – he might have some interesting male friends that you can meet that you will like. (Female colleagues mother). 32. Men never do what you want them to when they think they are being forced. (Female colleague of F.F.) 33. A woman is only one man away from welfare. 34. There are no jokes about men, there are only truths. (German female colleague). Male Tribal Wisdom 1. There are no free fucks or free lunches. 2. Bit tits, small brain. 3. Women’s legs are the gate posts of hell (St. Augustine of Hippo). 4. Men will cross stormy oceans, hack their way through primeval forests, ford raging torrents and climb perilous mountains to lay their fame, fortune and sacred honour at the feel of their lady fair – just to get a sniff. (Male colleague to F.F. hypnotized by picture of a beautify woman: “I’d drag my nuts across an acres of broken glass just to get a sniff.”) 5. A woman’s major erogenous zone is in her ear. (Men are turned on by what they see – woman are turned on by what they hear.) 6. Men are physically stronger than women and usually have more money, which is counter-balanced by women having sexual attractiveness and “moral superiority” over men. 7. What does every woman want? Answer: “MMMMMMMMore!” 8. Verbally flattering a woman makes her wet down there. 9. Women are not playing with a full deck of cards, are rowing with only one oar in the water, are a day late and a dollar short, have their telephone off the hook; their lights are on but nobody’s home, and their elevator doesn’t go to the top floor. (Hunting buddy to F.F.) 10. Women are irrational, that’s all there is to that, their heads are filled with cotton stuff, and rags. (from My Fair Lady) 11. There is no bad sex, only good, better and best sex. 12. Women lie; men are honest. 13. Women gossip; men exchange informed opinions and rock-solid data about their competitors. 14. A woman can nag a man to drink and to death. 15. Some women are prick-teasers; others are ball busters. (Hurt, angry male client to F.F.) 16. All women are manipulators! 17. What does every woman want? “As much control over her husband as she has over her lover!” (Chauser). 18. Women are little girls who want to get married, ride piggy-back on a man financially through life, and “play house2 with their dollies (babies). 19. All women want to be mommies more than they want to be wives. 20. Women have a far greater need to be mothers than men have a need to be fathers. 9John Farrelly to F.F., age 16) 21. The greatest aphrodisiac for women is men’s power (money, status, talent, organisation ((academic business) standing). Female colleague to F.F.) 22. Women use men as success objects – a life-support system for a cheque book. (Female colleague of F.F.) 23. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned (Ecclesiasticus) so you better keep your woman happy or she’ll create a living hell for you. 24. A woman’s ass and a whiskey glass has made many a man a horse’s ass. (Hunting buddy to F.F.) 25. Higamous hogamous, women monogamous; hogamous higamous, men are polygamous. (Ogden Nash) 26. A man can eat filet mignon every night for a year, and then he’ll want variety – like I wonder what a good juicy hamburger would taste like? (Male colleague to F.F. 1955 re men’s sexual variety needs.) 27. A Woman asks you to show her your vulnerability, and the next thing you know, she’s chewing on your soft parts. (Client to F.F. re his girl friend’s complaint that he was not “emotionally expressive”.) 28. Every man’s ideal girlfriend is a beautiful, stacked nymphomaniac living in a rent free apartment over her father’s liquor store! (Hunting buddy to F.F.) 29. Women are like motor cycles; they’re pretty expensive, a ball to ride – and they require careful handling or they’ll lay some bad hurt on your. Fast. 30. For a woman, a man is a doorway to the future (Australian female colleague). 31. Widows dance and rumba on Caribbean cruise ships on their dead husbands life insurance policies. 32. The best logic of a man never beats the tricky mind of a woman. (French female colleague) 33. every time a woman sounds reasonable, se is using the tricky technique of reframing. (Dutch male colleague) Male – Female Dimensions and Continnua 1. Women’s perennial fear is that of abandonment (by men). 2. Women give sex in order to get love. Men give love in order to get sex. (They both want the same thing – love and sex – but usually in a different order or progression; hence the eternal battle of the sexes). 3. God or evolution placed women on this planet to elevate, refine and reform men. 4. Men are voyeurs; women are exhibitionists. (Male psychiatrist friend of F.F.) 5. Life is hot, sticky and wet. 6. Life slops over our theoretical paradigms. 7. Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place. (Billy Crystal in the movie The City Slickers). 8. Women are God’s police (Australian male colleague). 9. When men marry they expect women to stay the same but they don’t and when women marry they expect men to change but they don’t. (Australian male colleague) |
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